ᴀᴠᴏᴄᴀᴅᴏ ᴀᴛ ʟᴀᴡ. (
catholicisms) wrote in
logsinthenight2019-11-17 09:05 pm
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Entry tags:
O LIGHT THAT FOLLOWEST ALL MY WAY, I YIELD MY FLICKERING TORCH TO THEE;
characters: matt, & other people
location: many places
date/time: first half of november
content: matt is doing things
warnings: i'm still hot garbage at this... and i'll add if anything comes up
see below for starters, or hit me with a wildcard! just some stuff to tag at during the event, feel free to pm me or hit me up at
meowed to chat about setting something up!
location: many places
date/time: first half of november
content: matt is doing things
warnings: i'm still hot garbage at this... and i'll add if anything comes up
see below for starters, or hit me with a wildcard! just some stuff to tag at during the event, feel free to pm me or hit me up at
no subject
talking of rest, she knows why he's been avoiding it. she might bring it up just to get him to talk about everything; the guilt she knows he's feeling for the boy disappearing, even though he'd had nothing to do with it and that he's searching to avoid thinking about it and what it means. they're in a more comfortable place lately than they had been, but bringing it up too soon is just going to result in denial and anger, which isn't going to help either of them. that he brings up the necessity of rest first is promising, but it might only be a concession to her needs.
she lowers her lantern to the ground before easing off her own pack, standing and rolling her shoulders, feeling something shift back into place along her vertebrae. ]
I'll set the bags out, you listen for any oncomers?
no subject
he hangs his lantern from a tree, pulling it far enough along the branch there's no chance of it falling. that'd be a horrible way to die again, from falling lantern. between hers and his, there's enough dim light to see by. he picks open his own pack to pull out a coat he'd stowed away. walking has kept him warm enough, but now that they're slowing, he's going to want it. )
So far, it's been quiet. It's almost like anything out here is avoiding us. ( doubtful, though it compounds his annoyance. it's as if the entire universe is conspiring against them, refusing to let them find anything at all. )
no subject
Well, hopefully that means there's no one out there to deter us. [ probably because there's no one to be found, but she doesn't voice that yet. ] What direction did you want to start heading after this? [ she'd say 'in the morning' or 'tomorrow', but given the eternal darkness of this place, neither feel appropriate or accurate. ]
no subject
the spirits, though... those are unpredictable and likely more of a threat than anyone in town would be. he isn't sure how he feels about their utter absence through their hike. it's a good thing, surely... but it also makes him wonder where they are, if not somewhere adjacent to town. )
We can move west, then backtrack. A circle is the most efficient way to cover ground. ( he doesn't have illusions about pushing much farther than they already have, though, not without evidence. and they have yet to find any that Grizz had ever left Beacon proper. )
no subject
All right. [ she sounds a little remorseful. even if she hadn't known the kid, he had obviously meant a lot to matthew, and she knows him well enough to know he has to be feeling awful about him being gone, even if it wasn't his fault. ] Did you want to take shifts while sleeping?
[ she's okay with taking the first one if he does. she doubts either of them will be sleeping well anyway, but they could both use at least some rest. ]
no subject
It makes the most sense. ( to sleep in shifts, meaning. one could stay alert, the other could at least try to recover a bit. he brought a sleeping bag he'd purloined from the store, and he sets it out and sighs, rubbing at a bare face. he hasn't bothered with his sunglasses, since they're traveling in the dark and it's Elektra he's with.
someone should sleep. usually, he'd push Elektra to rest first. turns out, though, he's slowed enough to feel particularly terrible about the uselessness of their search. about the fact there's a boy out there, probably long gone, because he didn't think to look sooner. that none of this matters, because there's nothing for them to find. that he's put them both in useless danger, and yet he can't admit to himself it's pointless because that's as good as giving a boy up for dead. he's stuck in his thoughts instead of the present, so he doesn't suggest anything at all, stuck. )
no subject
her own bag is already laid out, and with her boots removed she sits with her knees pulled to her chest, facing him, debating what to say. he seems to already know that their search is going to be fruitless, so reiterating that fact would just be cruel. he doesn't seem ready to rest quite yet, and maybe she could try to sleep first but she doesn't think he's going to at all if she doesn't make sure he does it. he doesn't seem like he wants to talk, but it's probably more harmful than helpful for him to dwell. ]
Tell me about him.
no subject
(Matt is still super pressed about the ferry.)
it’s only after she’s sitting on top of her bag that he muses they should have stacked them, it’d be moderately more comfortable for the one sleeping. maybe it’d still be worth trying, once one of them is actively trying to rest. for now he just adjusts his to be parallel to hers and lies next to her, close but not on top of her.
she’s right he doesn’t really want to talk. talking hurts more than he’d like. he stares at an empty sky he can’t see, and it might seem like he doesn’t intend to answer until suddenly he does. )
Teenager. Barely 18, if that. He left behind a world where all adults had disappeared, and he spent most of his time hating himself for being here and not being there where his friends still needed him. ( relatable. maybe that’s why he’d connected so closely to the kid, Matt has been feeling the same since he arrived. ) He offered to read to me. Just out of the blue.
( clearly that had left an impression on Matt. )
no subject
I can understand why you got on with him. [ there's a long moment as elektra pulls at a loose thread in her bag, still watching what she can see of his face. her legs fall to the side and she reaches for his hand, fingertips resting on top of his knuckles. ] I'm sorry we haven't found him.
no subject
far, far too young to just be gone entirely. to wherever they all went if they never ended up revived on a church pew.
his fingers flex, just underneath her touch, the only hint he gives that he's noticed it at all. i'm sorry we haven't found him. Matt's sorry too, that much is clear. )
I doubt we will. ( there it is, the ugly reality that he's been carrying since they started, heavier than any of the supplies they'd been dragging along. Matt isn't dumb, he knows the chances of Grizz just wandering in the dark are nominal. Matt had warned him against it, the kid had seemed to take it to heart. it's been a pointless gesture since they started hiking, but he can't help himself. he has to try. )
no subject
I'm sorry about that, too.
no subject
it's so much easier to remain distant if he keeps his physical distance, too.
of course, that doesn't mean it is his preference. it's a conditioned response, a self defense mechanism that he almost doesn't realize he's doing any more, he's been doing it so long. of course in actuality he likes touch, he likes to be close to people, he craves that reminder that he's not alone in an undeniable, grounding way. he pulls her hand over his chest and idly traces out lines in her palm, staring off towards the dark skyline he can't see. )
You don't have to be sorry. You have no control over it. ( which is just about equally upsetting as the boy being gone in the first place. the next person he cares about, whether he wants to or not — hell, Elektra herself, the person here he cares about most — the next person to disappear could happen at any time, even if he's careful, and protective, and checks in as often as his paranoia mandates. and it won't matter how long he searches or how badly he wishes things were different.
they won't be. )
You should lay down, ( he suggests, finally, pulling away from his circling and depressing thoughts. ) I'll take the first shift.
no subject
he doesn't let go, pulling his hand over his heart. she feels it beating beneath the back of her hand as he traces the lines of her palm and her fingers curl slightly inward, catching on his fingertips.
he's right. she has no control over what happened to the boy or what could happen to either of them. neither does he. this isn't his fault, and she doesn't know if he'll accept that, but maybe he can come to terms with it being the world they're living in.
god, that sounds bleak.
he offers to take the first shift and she shakes her head - she wants to make sure he rests, and she doesn't think he will if she doesn't take the first shift. ]
You're already laying down. I'm okay with taking it.
no subject
and it is starting to push him to do as much as he can to find out why Beacon is the way it is — on the desperate hope that maybe if they find some answers, they'll siphon back some measure of control. that when the end comes, they'll get more of a say over it happens.
Matt saw that one coming a mile away, blind and all. he sighs, closing his eyes. )
I'm not sure I'm ready to sleep. ( sometimes it's not as easy as just being exhausted, because he's surely that. his head has to be in step with the rest of him, and while his body is ready to tap out, his brain isn't quite ready to let him off that easy. )
no subject
We can keep talking, then, if you want. [ she doesn't think he does, but it sounds better than 'we can sit here in silence til one of us falls asleep'. ]
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he's not particularly keen to talk, either. she probably knows that. his eyes close, for a moment, at the brush of her fingers. she might have a point, even if he's definitely too stubborn to admit it. Matthew isn't incapable of sleeping, though he's determined not to pass out right away. )
Come down here, ( he suggests instead, nodding at the blanket she's still sitting on. because if she's going to make him sleep, he's apparently going to get connive a cuddle out of it first. once he's actually starting to fade, he'll release her. until then... having her close might be the only reassurance he has that she's not going to disappear next. )
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this isn't his fault, and she'd tell him that but she knows he won't want to hear it. she's honestly not sure if hearing it will be better or worse; yes, that means that this isn't his fault, but it also means that their time here could be finite. it's one thing to be told that and another to have proof of it shown to you. it makes it real, and frightening. it's something she's thinking about, too. ]
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words might be a lost cause, but having her close helps. and true to his word, he doesn't fall asleep right away. there's a good stretch where Matt just holds onto her and relishes that he can, lets himself indulge in that rather than fixating on anything else. it takes awhile but slowly he does start to tire, and she'll know it because his grip starts to slack.
he doesn't just pass out on her, though, letting her go to settle onto his back. )
Wake me up in two hours. ( or if anything happens, but, he figures that part goes without saying. the indulgence of closeness is over — she'd only be slowed down if something happened if he was hanging on to her. )
no subject
she's not sure exactly how long it is before he starts to fade, but she makes sure to remain alert, listening to his heartbeat and for whatever might be out there with them. it's sooner than she expects before his grip starts to loosen around her body, arms going heavy and slack around her waist. she slips free of them when he lets her go, rolling fully onto his back, and she props herself up as he asks her when to wake him. ]
Try not to dream. [ she smiles lightly, bending to kiss the corner of his mouth, before fully sitting up, pulling her knees to her chest as she turns her focus to the forest at night. ]