logsinthenight | The bitterness, the bitterness

characters: Rosinante, OTA
location: The church
date/time: August 6
content: Guess who died again? Anyway he's back now.
warnings: not much tbh, will edit if that changes

Every time a person dies, they only have roughly a thirty percent chance of returning, on average.

Rosinante knows this to be fact. He's tracked the deaths and the revivals since the beginning. He now knows it's also more complicated. Some percentage of those deaths that never returned were likely because the lanterns were unrecoverable, or too damaged to repair - like Dr. Solis' own lantern in the end. So he thinks, perhaps, this is why he's been so fortunate, for only once did his lantern end up in a truly difficult place. This last death must have been easy. His lantern wasn't too far out, and it shouldn't have been damaged badly.

These are the thoughts milling in his head as he becomes conscious, sitting here in front of the candle flames used in part to restore their not-quite-lives. He'll have to thank whoever is repairing lanterns these days next time he's back in the lab. Has to thank whoever found his, too.

Gods, though he hopes it wasn't Law. He'd gone out looking for him and then was overcome by the compulsion to eat, thanks to whatever the world eater had done to his head.

He lifts his lantern to look it over before looking around. Is anyone else here waiting? Did Law ever make it back from the hospital? Is Mary all right, having not seen him for a few days again?

And just how well was his lantern restored this time?

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"Law..."

This is, of course, exactly who he was going to try to find when he walked out that door. He had heard from Elektra that Law and the others came back safely, which is a relief, but he can only imagine how terrified Law must have been when he heard what happened.

All he can hope is that Law was not the one who actually found him and his lantern in the woods.

But that's only a tiny concern in the back of his head right now. He covers the ground between them quickly and then drops to his knees, but then falters, not sure if he wants a hug or forgiveness or to yell at Law for running off without him. Uncertain, his hands ball into fists.

"What were you thinking?" is what ends up coming out, but really, he could ask himself the same thing.

For a moment, watching Cora walk closer, Law feels an almost dizzying sense of relief — he's here, he's back, he's alright.

And then Cora-san is speaking and a dam breaks.

"What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking! That I wouldn't take you to a place that probably left you traumatized, where you wouldn't be able to focus as well as you should! That I'd go with a small team of capable people, go in, come out, without endangering you! And what the hell do you do? Go out there alone, get killed, alone! Do you have any idea —"

His chest is heaving, and his words are loud enough to ring in the silence around them.

Oh, he deserves the tirade. He knows it and reins himself in from trying to lash right back out. If this was anyone else, he would stand his ground, make his point, make sure his reasons were understood.

But this is Law, and if he does that, it means he's telling Law that his death was Law's fault, and he absolutely cannot do that. It was his own fault, even if he was upset and frightened and thought he was doing the right thing.

So when he opens his mouth he stops, takes a breath, then hangs his head.

"I'm sorry," he says, then deliberates a moment on what next to say, because there are so many thoughts racing through his mind and not all of them need to be given voice to.

"I was afraid for you. I got in over my head. It was stupid."

He also absolutely did not anticipate that what happened could happen, but apologies come first.

"You —"

Yes, it was stupid, beyond stupid, and yet... can Law really blame him? Wouldn't he have done the same, had their positions been reversed?

Instead of yelling more, instead of admitting that he's already forgiven Cora, even before the apology, he simply reaches out and hauls him to a hug.

"For thirteen years, you weren't there. Now that you're here... I don't want to live another damn day without you. How do you not get that?" If he sounds a bit choked up, if his eyesight is blurring slightly, as much as he tries to blink to stop it, well.

As Law stretches out his arms, Rosinante sinks to his knees, pressing into the hug and grasping Law just as tightly as he seeks forgiveness.

"I do get it," he answers shakily, already sniffing back his own tears. "Why do you think I went after you? You don't know what's out there, any time you go out - I didn't want the last thing I heard from you to just be words on some paper..."

He trails off, too choked up to continue. What Law says is exactly the same for him, can't he see that? Why would he go out there without him? He'd gladly have gone in an instant, no matter what he went through at the hospital before.

He grits his teeth, because while he's a hypocrite who would have done the same thing, had their situations been reversed...

"There's nothing here to compare! You went after me on your own! I went with Matthew-ya and Inspector-ya, and my powers can get me out of most situations. I don't need to be protected."

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets them, but — it's the truth, isn't it? He's no longer a helpless child, dying of an incurable illness. He's a former Warlord, with a bounty of 500 million beli, possessing one of the most powerful Devil Fruits there is.

So why can't Cora-san see that? He doesn't have to worry for him anymore!

There's a tremble that shakes his shoulders as he hears those words and tries to get a grip on himself. For a moment there's a searing bolt of anger at Law, and then at himself in return. Rather than respond immediately, he takes a deep breath, clenches his teeth, and waits it out. He might be stubborn as all hell, with a temper to match, but Law doesn't deserve that from him at this particular moment in time, even if he's being a complete asshole.

Which he is.

"Fine," he growls eventually, though it doesn't have the teeth it might have had he said it a few seconds sooner. "Just - don't do that again, and I won't do what I did again. Let me know you're going somewhere before you just go off and do it. I don't care what I went through at that hospital, I'd rather be there with you."

At this particular moment... Law is more than aware that he's being an asshole about this — it's a response ingrained in him, it's just the way he is, and perhaps, had Cora-san lived, he might have grown to be exempt from that particular behaviour... but he didn't, and when Law's temper flares, it doesn't discriminate.

He presses his palm over his face, gritting his teeth.

Fuck.

"I know. I know, okay? I won't do that again, if it stops..." He breathes in, halts. He's trying here.

"I won't do that again," he repeats, quieter. Hell, if it means Cora-san will endanger himself recklessly, there's no way he's ever, ever doing anything like leaving him to go somewhere on his own again.

So both their social skills are a little imperfect. It's fine. Rosinante takes another deep breath and lets out a little more of the tension with it. His grip loosens, though he doesn't move his head from where it's buried against Law. Dying sucks. This whole place is exhausting and difficult and they're both feeling it. And, he realizes, both trying to forgive each other for having a hard time here.

"Thank you," he breathes, then finally pulls back and wipes at his face with a sleeve. This isn't exactly the most graceful public display, though it's also far from the first time something like this has transpired right in front of the church. Still.

"Did... you at least find anything helpful there?" he asks.

The bitterness, the bitterness

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today on: how can such a smart guy be so dumb

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