logsinthenight | The bitterness, the bitterness

characters: Rosinante, OTA
location: The church
date/time: August 6
content: Guess who died again? Anyway he's back now.
warnings: not much tbh, will edit if that changes

Every time a person dies, they only have roughly a thirty percent chance of returning, on average.

Rosinante knows this to be fact. He's tracked the deaths and the revivals since the beginning. He now knows it's also more complicated. Some percentage of those deaths that never returned were likely because the lanterns were unrecoverable, or too damaged to repair - like Dr. Solis' own lantern in the end. So he thinks, perhaps, this is why he's been so fortunate, for only once did his lantern end up in a truly difficult place. This last death must have been easy. His lantern wasn't too far out, and it shouldn't have been damaged badly.

These are the thoughts milling in his head as he becomes conscious, sitting here in front of the candle flames used in part to restore their not-quite-lives. He'll have to thank whoever is repairing lanterns these days next time he's back in the lab. Has to thank whoever found his, too.

Gods, though he hopes it wasn't Law. He'd gone out looking for him and then was overcome by the compulsion to eat, thanks to whatever the world eater had done to his head.

He lifts his lantern to look it over before looking around. Is anyone else here waiting? Did Law ever make it back from the hospital? Is Mary all right, having not seen him for a few days again?

And just how well was his lantern restored this time?

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[ she gives a subtle nod, stepping back a bit to give him room to get up on his own. she can understand pride, however: ]

You've got a cut. [ it's spoken neutrally, she's not looking to get in a fight with him, especially after he's just been resurrected. ] Law's not going to be happy if he sees you with it.

[It takes him a second to find it, as he brushes his fingers across his face until they come across the spot of blood, which begins to sting the moment he comes across it, as these things sometimes do. About to retort that it's pretty shitty of her to say that, like invoking Law's name somehow should hold any power over his behavior, he instead stops, frowns, and tongues the cut against the inside of his lip.]

... Strange.

[No, not what she said. The puzzled look on his face grows as he swipes blood away with a finger again as if to confirm that yes, it is still bleeding. Why can't he taste it?]

[ for whatever it's worth, she's not invoking his name to hold it against him, just speaking from her own experience with him. (and okay, yeah, maybe a little to hold it against him.) she seems ready to accept whatever he's about to lob back at her when he seems visibly distracted by the cut, as if it took her pointing it out for him to realize it was there. ]

You couldn't feel it? [ the sharpness leaves her tone, becoming replaced with concern. ] Or taste it, even? [ sometimes it takes sensing one to realize the other. ]

Couldn't taste it.

[Still. The hunger is gone (for now? forever?) but the lack of any sort of flavor lingers - in fact, is worse now than it had been the past month. Sometimes he thought he had glimpses of taste, or the non-visual equivalent. Traces of salt and sweet that faded in and out. The spirit, when he ate that, was the most satisfying thing he thought he had ever consumed.

Now it makes him nauseous to even consider, which is some sort of relief. So perhaps it's blood, specifically, or flesh, that tastes of nothing now?]

I couldn't taste anything for the last few weeks. I think it was the world eater. Thought that would've come back by now though.

[ that definitely sounds like it's in line with what the world eater is capable of, but one would think that it would return with his resurrection. she'd make the suggestion if she'd known what he'd been craving for the past few weeks, maybe there was a connection, or maybe it was just another consequence of resurrection.

maybe those were dependent on how you died. ]

If time didn't bring it back, you'd think death would.

I guess. I'm not sure what kinds of things dying and reviving really do here. Nobody's ever sat everyone down and come up with a list of how things were before and after. How much stays, how much doesn't, how much just... changes.

[But they should. He doesn't like it, but he knows it. They should probably all try to understand the full range of risks.]

[ she's picking up on what he's not saying, and she likes the idea of it about as much as he does. it's probably something they should have been doing before, especially to see if there's a connection to how you die and the affliction being brought back earns you. ]

Putting that together's going to take a while. [ and she doubts that there'll be many that'll be happy to discuss it. ]

Anything here takes a while. Doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. Just more reason to start sooner.

[Since when has he let something like that stop him, anyway? His patience has always been one of his assets - just as much as his persistence. They go hand in hand.]

Sitting everyone down together isn't going to work. People will only answer if they trust the person asking them. Will you help?

[ she nods, already considering who she knows who's left and if they've died before or not. ]

There may already be records. I'll take a look back at the lab.

Good idea. If anyone kept notes on all of it, Dr. Solis would have. I guess those must be in a computer somewhere, right?

[In case that's helpful. Maybe it's just obvious. He's learned well enough that everyone does things on computers if they can, and he's seen that she didn't have too much in the way of handwritten notes on paper anywhere in her home or lab.]

I would think so. I doubt that the effects were intentional, so maybe they're not up to date with the latest deaths, but it's still somewhere to start.

[ and likely something she wouldn't need too much help to read up on ~~please someone else join the lantern restoration team she is Struggling~~. ]

Clara's probably got information regarding them, too.

Yeah, or knows where to find it. Good call. Diode might know something too, he was here long enough to see a bunch of it I bet.

[Where has that kid gotten to, anyway? He sure does like to talk, so surely he'll be all too happy to tell them whatever he has to say.]

I'll see if I can find him. [ she'd read up on his arrival, which had happened while they were still underwater, but hasn't had the opportunity to find him yet. she'll now be making that a priority. ]

In the meantime, how are you feeling now?

Good enough, I guess. All things considered.

[As always, he's more worried about others than himself. Physically? He's fine, aside from the taste thing. Weirded out, kind of upset, but there's nothing he can do about it unless they manage to make headway on improving their own lantern repair like Dr. Solis was trying to do. No, he's fine, but he's anxiously anticipating how the others will react. Law, Mary, Will, all of them have to be wondering what happened. The thought that he came close to leaving them all behind is what shakes him.

Law especially. He's already done that once before and Law made it very clear that the loss haunted him his entire life.]

I should probably get going, though. Make sure people know I'm all right.

The bitterness, the bitterness

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