logsinthenight | Family and Attempts at De-Escalation (June Catch-All)

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Family and Attempts at De-Escalation (June Catch-All)

characters: Bucky/Soldat and OPEN
location: All over
date/time: Most of June
content: Dealing with various developments
warnings: The usual swearing and disassociation, probable awkwardness

I. Growing Family - Early June - Closed to Misty and Javert

The idea starts late in May, but it takes until the first couple days of June to get things ready-- and to work up the courage to do it. Soldat brings Javert to the mostly-repaired bed and breakfast, with its small rooms and welcoming air and Misty-- who has been warned, at least, that Soldat is hoping to add a new resident.

So it's only really a surprise for Javert when they open the door and say, "Sir." Even as friends, now, the title hasn't gone away. It's practically an endearment, at this point. "I don't want you to be alone. There's a room for you here."

II. Like Always - Open

For most of the month, it's same old same old: Soldat follows their usual routine, does a whole lot of building projects with Javert and Jason and anyone else who seems to need help, and teaching and sparring at the new location, the armory, three times a week. (Seven times a week, technically, since they go on non-class days just for themselves.)

People can run into them at any of those places, if anyone wants to chat, get them to help with something, learn how to defend themselves, or just catch up!

III. Nope Number 1 - Labs

They try to make themselves go to the labs. Really, they do. It doesn't even look like a lab, not really, not from the outside, and there's no actual doctor inside anymore. So surely they could work out some way to help. But appearances apparently don't count for much, and the knowledge that someone brought them back from the dead inside, pieced them back together, hovered over them while they were unconscious-- the fear won't go away. Every time they get within a few feet of the door, they just stop and tremble and finally bolt.

But they do manage to get up to the door itself once, long enough to drop a box off, full of records on the portal, courtesy of Pluto. They even actually knock on the door, and then take several steps back, hoping someone comes to get it before a spirit decides it's good nesting material or something.

IV. Nope Number 2 - Masks

Soldat does visit the mask-making party, but between the weird parade-like music and the realization that the spirits want them to put something on their face... they nope out pretty quick. Literally: the materials in their hand drop (those the spasmodic fisting of the metal hand didn't crush, anyway) and back hastily away, out of the group.

They kind of hover around the edges now and then, watching people having fun making things. They start off wishing they weren't such a goddamn nutcase, but by the time people are dancing and getting picked up into a... parade-like group... they're kind of glad. And a little worried.

V. Nope Number 3 - Violence

Even under normal circumstances, Soldat monitors their behavior and internal reactions to things pretty closely, both for their own attempts to understand why they do the things they do, and to keep others safe from their occasional blow-ups and freak-outs. To try and head off blow-ups and freak-outs before they actually start.

So when they feel the urge to lash out at someone-- anyone-- they stop and breathe and think of folding paper.

It doesn't help. It just makes them more frustrated.

(Yesssss..)

The fury takes an edge of panic, and they flee for the inn-- not the bed and breakfast where he, Misty, and Javert are staying, but the inn, where the walls are sturdier and there are empty rooms to hide in. Several people (Misty, Javert, Sora, Pudding, and Rosinante) get a text message: Not safe. Please don't try to find me.

For the next couple days, until things settle inside their own head, they keep inside their chosen prison room at the top of the inn, pacing and growling under their breath and talking with the Sergeant and the Asset and even the goddamn Bottomless Pit, doing strength training and knife throws to wear themselves out, and wrestling with extremely violent nightmares. But the Winter Soldier has a lot of practice at keeping quiet and out of the way while full of bewildered fury, and now they have people they don't want to hurt, so while it sucks, they stay put. No coming out. Not even to eat.

VI. No More Nopes - Post-event

By the time Soldat emerges, they've eaten all the paper they had on their person, chewed through both pens they carry, and spent some time gnawing on bedclothes and their own fingernails, which are down to the quick and kind of hurt now, and the serum has no fuel to really fix that with. Their shoulder hurts a whole damn lot, too.

They make a hasty patrol, looking for anyone who might need help, trying to ascertain if anything changed, largely unaware that everyone was experiencing the same problems they were.

And then they visit the scrapyard, and set about making a new accessory: a thin but well-made metal chain, clearly strong enough to withstand super-soldier tugging and chewing, with several tabs of various materials hanging from it like charms. On patrol or in class or even making lunch with the scant ingredients left, they can be seen idly chewing on the tabs, keeping their mouth busy so they can't fucking eat anything on accident.

It might look kind of silly, but hey, it works.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Javert, for his part, doesn't suspect anything is amiss when Soldat. The bed and breakfast has long been in a state of disrepair, damaged from flood and the wind. He and Soldat have been doing what they can to mend the buildings, returning the town to some illusion of normalcy, their combat practices restored, and patrol routes resumed. He suspects this to be only another project, and so he agrees to it readily enough. Neither of them can stand to remain idle, and that is true for Javert now more than ever.

He is listless and solemn, but only when he believe no one to be watching. He's a man resistant to change. To be alone now is a difficult thing, and so when Soldat offers him a place to stay, he startles a bit, looking at him.

"Here?" He mimics the word, uncertain. "With you and mademoiselle?"

"Yes. There's a room all ready for you." Soldat doesn't fidget, but the arm does give a little clicking ripple of plates instead, a little nervous at making such a forward offer. But Javert is so sad all the time, and nobody should be alone when they don't have to be. "The building is. Mostly repaired, now, so it's safe and not too drafty. And we'll keep improving it."

Javert, in contrast, fidgets a great deal, reaching for a trinket on the table and turning it over in his hands. He doesn't know what to say, overwhelmed as he is by the offer, and so he falls silent for a moment, muttering,

"You are certain you won't tire of me?" He looks up, holding the item in hand with a bit of uncertainty. The house doesn't seem to be much of a concern, since many of the repairs have already been completed. He is only worried of what will come next, and what it means.

"I can deny you nothing. You know that."

"Why would I get tired of you." A pause, then they add, a bit dryly, "Don't answer that, I'm sure you can come up with reasons. So I will say: I will not get tired of you."

They look down again, touched but still a little uncertain about Javert's last statement. "I'm not asking this for me, anyway. As much as I would like to have everyone important to me in one place. I want you to be happier and less lonely. I thought maybe staying with me and Misty would help that."

Javert falls to silence again, humbled and overwhelmed by his friend's words. Will he ever grow used to such declarations? He doesn't know. He can feel a heat creeping along his neck, burning his cheeks and making him feel a fool.

"It would," he says, and the words sounding more like a croak. He can only be honest with Soldat, and if his happiness is what he wants, Javert cannot deny him that either. "I would be very happy living with you."

And Misty. Javert doesn't know her quite as well as perhaps he should, but Soldat thinks the world of her, and that is enough for him. Without realizing it, he smiles softly.

Shoulders sag a little with relief. They'd been half-afraid Javert would refuse on sheer stubborn independence, but either the change in their mutual status or Javert's empty room at the inn, or more likely both, seemed to have softened that a little. Thank fuck for that.

"Good. That's good. Here, this is-- this one's yours," they say, pushing open the door to the last empty room. There's a bed with a colorful quilt on it, a dresser with an origami flower and origami dog sitting on top of it, a little desk with a couple random books, and a pretty painting of a meadow Soldat salvaged mostly-intact from one of the cabins, only a little water-damaged. "It's not very big, but it's right next to mine, and really you can hear everybody in here."

Javert enters, looking about the room with quiet interest. He notices the decorations, the flower and the dog sitting on the dresser, and the sight of it makes his heart clench. He doesn't speak for a very long moment, standing there in the middle of the bedroom, but when he does, it is almost a murmur,

"Thank you." The words themselves don't feel adequate, but Javert doesn't know what else to say. Perhaps there is nothing he can do, other than what he has already done. He had not thought it possible to desire another man's company, and to have that feeling reciprocated is overwhelming.

"It is suitable. You have seen the place that I live in now. I do not require much."

Soldat isn't one for big smiles, but Javert is getting a pretty good one. They did good, they made him happy, and this will help him. That deserves a good smile. "I know. I still wanted to make it more yours. It's a home, not just a place to sleep. Your home."

Javert finds himself at a loss again, falling to silence at the sight of the the other man's smile. An odd feeling wells up within his breast, more pronounced this time than the last. He doesn't have a name to put to it, but it appears on his face all the same, his expression soft and open, full of adoration. He falters a bit,

"Then it is enough." It's more than he deserves. He lowers his head. "You've already given me more than I ever thought possible."

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@silent | text | June 19

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II, a little after they're suddenly newly housemates!

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