logsinthenight | Routine Adjustments, Catch-All Log for February [Open+Closed prompts]

Entry tags:

Routine Adjustments, Catch-All Log for February [Open+Closed prompts]

characters: Soldat etc, open and closed prompts
location: Various, see each prompt
date/time: February 4 - 15, non-event stuff
content: Some new additions to the usual routine, some quiet grieving, and some dancing
warnings: Just the usual Bucky shit

I. Expanded Patrols, All Over + Invincible [Open]

With downtown open, and so far away in the snow, patrols take a little longer. Soldat spends a week in early February balancing locations until they find the optimum route for the morning and afternoon patrols (or, the 0500 and 1600 patrols, since there's no real morning or afternoon in a world of endless night). After that, snow and ice or not, they can be found reliably following one looping path or the other, depending on the time of day. Sometimes with company, sometimes not. Sometimes stopping at the scrapyard to give the dog-spirit a treat and sift through the junk in search of something useful. Sometimes wandering the halls of the school, wondering what it would have been like to attend one. Sometimes glowering at the mall downtown with the stupid crocodile spirits in the lower level.

And after, lingering in the warm Invincible tavern room and kitchen, listening to people, playing music softly on their tablet, and munching idly on sandwiches or whatever Midge has made that day while they play a newly remembered boredom-dispelling game: solitaire.

They're willing to segue into poker, should anyone come to join them before they get up to clean their dishes in the kitchen and go home to sleep.

II. Expanded Hours, Gym [Open]

Wednesday and Friday, like clockwork, after the 1600 patrol along the downtown loop, Soldat is at the gym with Javert and Jason for weapons and survival lessons or, if no one shows up for those, sparring and practice. Because practicing outside is kind of dumb when it's freezing, and because the trees behind Aziraphale and Crowley's cabin are starting to look rather worst for wear, Soldat winds up adding another day during the week-- sometimes Monday, sometimes Saturday, whenever they have time. They just show up at the rec center and throw knives at things, slash at imaginary opponents all across the gym floor, and hit things with the flesh fist (the metal one doesn't need to practice; it's a machine).

Feel free to join in. Or watch and wolf-whistle. Whatever.

III. Fading Hope, Church [Open]

Between actual routine activities, Soldat has spare time. They don't normally like spare time, and try to find useful ways to fill it, but the first week or so of February, it's good that they have it, because they spend most of it in the church.

Scarlett, their very first friend since Steve Rogers, had an obituary. Scarlett has been gone for possibly weeks. Scarlett might still come back, and Soldat wants to be there when she does. Or at least find her as soon after as possible. Make sure she's all right.

So they sit in a pew near the back, feet propped unrepentantly on the pew back in front of them, and hold a notebook over their knees, sometimes writing (slow and halting, occasionally hasty scribbles), sometimes just staring at the blank pages. Waiting.

IV. Buck Up, Sad Boy [Closed to Misty]

Scarlett is gone, apparently for good, but. Well. They're not. And other people are not. And they can only wallow in Sad for so long before the Sergeant nags them into doing something they enjoy, even with the Asset apparently enjoying the mope. So after clearing out Scarlett's things from her old room (boxing up the more personal effects in their own room, distributing her canned food supply to the store), they head to Misty's.

They have a plan. This will cheer them both up, they hope. So they knock, tablet already out and clutched to their chest, and hope she's awake.

V. Dragged Along for Research [Closed to Sora]

The library is not really Soldat's favorite place, but here they are anyway, trailing along behind Sora, looking around at the books in a somewhat blank and lost manner. There's so damn many. How do you even know where to start.

Thankfully, that's what hyperactive teenagers are for. Start them in the right direction, Sora. Or at least start them somewhere.

VI. Wildcard

Got an idea not on here for something you'd like to do with Soldat before the memshare event? Hit me up, I am open to p much anything and everything.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's a habit. And habits are only broken by consciously trying to do something else, by being reminded not to do the thing whenever one starts to do it. Soldat knows that much. They've been quietly dealing with conditioned habits for months, now-- not always consciously, but by this point, they're at least aware. And sometimes they need help. Sora probably will, too.

That is a long-term project, though. For now, the important part of keeping Sora alive. "You should keep your distance. Not talk to it. Definitely don't get within attacking range. The Asset is dangerous." They really cannot stress this enough. They were an assassin. The Asset was erratic. It obeyed orders because it was too afraid not to, but it didn't take orders from everyone. "I know you want to be friends with everyone. But the Asset does not understand friends."

"The Asset won't understand friends unless someone tells them about friends," Sora replies a bit stubbornly. "I mean, I can play keep away all I want, but at the end of the day, they might come back out when we least expect it, and they might be scared again? Or unpredictable, or whatever was making them tense." Because they were. That much was clear, at least.

"Someone's gotta try being nice to them." Sora will pause, then pull himself back a little. "I mean... it doesn't have to be me. But I wanna try being there and making better memories for them so they know that they don't have to be like that. Even if it's a total waste of time." He doesn't like the idea of lost causes at all.

Edited (sentences don't usually work like that) 2020-02-15 02:59 (UTC)

Why does someone else's optimism make them feel despair? Their voice is a little tight when they say, "Can't risk you. Kid, I can't. Maybe you're right. Maybe eventually the Asset will learn. But right now. I can't let it hurt you. Let me and the Sergeant talk to it for now. It can't hurt us." They're pretty sure, anyway. The Soldier never really was one for self-harm, that they can remember.

They're afraid of hurting him. That's... pretty apparent, and has always been. Sora doesn't want to make other people afraid to be around him, or to let him into their problems. That's the whole point of him, right? To be optimistic. To be unstoppable. To be strong enough to help people beyond what's realistic, even if it hurts a little.

You could have helped Riku if you were stronger. You're the problem. Why can't you just accept that you aren't who you think you are? Maybe you could finally get somewhere if you just let go.

"The Asset can't hurt you." That's the one piece of information that is stopping Sora from turning around and screaming into the quiet of this library because there's nothing left to do. "That's... the important part." And he bites his lip because he can't help but feel bad for the Asset, none of this is their fault. They just happened to be there, and he happened to be here. And he wants them to be less scared if this happens again.

"This still sucks," he concludes, bitterly. "I'll be careful, but this sucks so much, bro."

"It does," Soldat agrees, sagging a little with relief that Sora isn't fighting them on this. "I know it does. I'm sorry."

It's hard to feel bad for something you're terrified of, that just tried to kill your friend. That you used to be. Soldat has certain blind spots, and the very biggest one them is themselves. (Sora may in fact have a point, but it's going to take a while to get it through their sometimes-thick skull.)

"Maybe not forever," is the best they can do. "Just not now. Not for a while."

Sora is tempted to say now, it has to be now. There are only two years left! If they keep waiting, they won't have enough time to be friends.

Would it really be worth it if we all failed? Would they learn to trust others for nothing?

With a greater amount of effort than he realized it'd take, he takes those thoughts and puts them down, mentally walking away. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. What matters is that it happened, no matter how short the time is.

"Just not now," Sora echoes absentmindedly, then repeats more firmly. "Just not now. Later. And there's gonna be a later. I promise there's gonna be a later."

Sigh. "I know." And a small, wan, but at least present smile. "You don't let shit go. I won't forget."

Soldat's arm runs another calibration loop, this one softer, a more muted purring sound. Reassurance. They run the flesh hand down their face. "Okay. We were looking for books. Let's. Do that some more, yeah?"

"Good." Sora finally, finally smiles a bit. "Yeah, keep track of that for me, will ya? Between the two of us, one of us will remember it when it's important." Kind of a morbid joke, but he figures that if they're in the same boat, someone's gonna have to say it.

"Yep, that's the plan." Sora nods! Then, uh, takes out his tablet and checks the time, then smacks his head. "I, uh, will be right back, though! I was supposed to be sweeping like ten minutes ago." He looks at the soldier, eyes pleading. "I'll be back! I promise."

Probably a good thing, give them both some space to cool down and get back to baseline. Soldat would even think it an excuse to do just that, with no judgment whatsoever, if Sora hadn't mentioned sweeping before all this shit came up. They give a slightly better smile than the last one. "It's fine. Do what you need to do. I'll be here when you're done. Okay?"

Sora smiles back, relieved to see that smile. Good. That's the important thing. Everyone's smiling, everything's good. "Yeah! Catch up with you later." And off he goes to find a broom and sweep and perhaps wonder if this is how Kairi felt getting left out all the time... No wonder she got so stir-crazy.

Protection =/= left out, Sora, come on, man. Soldat keeps idly pulling out books, finding none of them actually show anything about Brooklyn. He does find one about World War 2, and winds up leaning back against the shelf, flipping through that one and finding no mention whatsoever of a Sergeant by any familiar names. Or even any familiar names at all, except Eisenhower, which doesn't seem like a person they knew personally, just by reputation. Because everyone knew him by reputation, apparently.

Aaand about 45 minutes later, Sora's cyborg feet will come thumpthumpthumpthumping back to the aisle in what is certainly not a library appropriate speed. He takes a sharp turn at the aisle, using the shelf to anchor it so he doesn't lose momentum. "HEYHEYHEY -" oops, library, "hey hey hey hey hey the Librarian gave me stuff!" Hopefully the Librarian pretended they didn't hear that.

Sora's got a large encyclopedia and a small picture book under his arm. Intriguing. He seems to be fully revitalized, at least!

Soldat looks up sharply at the sound of feet, and thus are ready to steady the bookcase when Sora's grab nearly sets it rocking. They're both heavy people, Sora, be careful. "Slow down, kid. What did they give you?"

Because those sure are books, but Soldat can't see what they are from this angle. They set aside the one on the war as probably less pleasant than whatever Sora is so excited about. Besides, a couple of those images were, in fact, starting to look uncomfortably familiar, and they weren't images of soldiers. It's possible whatever group Soldat had been with had liberated a concentration camp, and they're not sure they want that memory.

"Sorry!" Said in possibly the most cheerful manner ever! He is sorry! It's just that he is very much like Tinkerbell in that sometimes he can only feel one emotion at a time. This one's excitement.

"Okay, this one's the one I asked for for you." And he'll hand over the encyclopedia first. "It's about the 1920s! It doesn't seem, uh, specific, but maybe there's some picture in there you'd recognize? Sorry, I asked about the sci-fi books, but they didn't come up with anything." The picture book can wait for now.

Edited (grammar) 2020-02-19 07:22 (UTC)

That's close to the right time frame. They have no actual idea how old they were in the 20s-- possibly pretty young, considering they were in a war in the 1940s-- but young is kinda what they're after. So Soldat takes the book, settles back against the shelf, and opens it up.

And almost immediately slides down to sit on the floor with a thump and a buzzing of arm plates.

Because there's a picture on the page in question, a grainy photo of some shitty tenement apartmetns with some people in suits and hats walking the streets, and they've been there. They know they've been there. "It's Brooklyn," they say, a little hoarsely.

Whoa, whoa, "Whoa whoa whoa, okay, we're sitting now. Cool. That's okay." Sora slides down next to them, peering at them, measuring the tension of that arm with his ears. He doesn't really have a system for assessing their arm noises, but he's starting to unconsciously add them to his mental dictionary of the soldier's emotional vocabulary. He'll be much better at gauging that faster than he'll be able to note their mental conversations. "It's Brooklyn. Right place, right time. Okay. That's good."

"I'm okay. Sorry, I'm fine." They're not fine, but it's not a bad not fine, exactly. "But I know that building." They tap the photo with one finger, carefully, not wanting to damage anything. The arm is still making little purring noises, though it seems steady enough. "I can see the faces of people who lived there. Don't know their names, but. I've been there."

Sora peeks at that arm, searching for assurance. He... is unsure about their overall stability, but he's going to believe them for now. He looks at the building with them... It's clear enough. They remember the people who lived there? That's good! "Maybe there are more? If they took pictures of this building, maybe they have more pictures from that area."

Smart, Sora. Soldat is not in fact stable, but honestly, that's normal. Somebody who is generally either wildly paranoid, bickering with the voices in their head, or emotionally compromised by a random photograph in a very old book is not properly defined as "stable". They trace the metal fingers down the page, skimming the caption, the text on the next page over.

They flip back to the front, scanning the table of contents. "It's about Brooklyn. New York. About. The people who lived there. The neighborhoods. The. God, there's a whole chapter on dance halls."

Nice one, Librarian. "It's right on the money. You should thank the Librarian next time you're here. They love food. Any food." And Sora will get as close as he can without touching to peek over their elbow, reading as quickly as he can. "The dance halls... Those are you, right? Your thing. Dancing. C'mon, let's see."

Edited 2020-02-21 07:13 (UTC)

Soldat tilts the book a little so Sora can see better, too, thumbing to the page number the chapter on "hot spots" is. Turns out they're not all dance halls, but there's definitely a few in there, and of the two that have pictures of them, the second has their breath catching again. "That one. I been there. Jesus, this is crazy. These places are all probably gone, now."

Sora shakes his head. "Not gone. I mean, yeah, the buildings are gone, but you still remember them, right?" He smiles down at the photos. "These photos are proof that they existed, but even if we lose the book, you have the halls in your head. That means they'll always have existed."

And he'll get his own tablet out and start snapping photos. Hey, it's always good to keep backups!

Oh. Oh, that is a good idea. Soldat doesn't forget things anymore if they can help it, but they're not always properly themselves, in this place. They know that now. So they pull their own tablet out, resting the book on their knee while they find the camera app, which they almost never use because photos means evidence means mission failure.

Makes them hesitate, still. "There's a lot of pages in here, kid. Might take a while to get pictures of even the important ones."

Sora flashes a deuce at them, distracted by this next photo he's focused on. "I checked it out. We have it for two weeks. If you need it for longer, you can recheck it." He puts that hand down and continues on his task. Click click! "I mean, if you're just talkin' about today, yeah, sure, but I bet two weeks is gonna be more than enough time to get through everything. It's just that you might need to return it." Can they do that?

"Oh." Oh, seriously? Two whole weeks? Two whole weeks? Soldat interferes with the photo-taking by actually hugging the book up against their chest. "I'll take a picture of every damn page. And I'll return it on time. I promise."

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