She didn't leave. She should leave. They don't deserve love when they're this selfish and stupid. When they can only think about how miserable it's going to be outside their-- their home, without an angel and a demon, without Scarlett and Steve and a mother and sisters. When they're a fucking murderer who can't even remember all their victims.
They want it anyway.
But the Asset is not allowed to want things.
They want Crowley and Aziraphale back.
The Asset is not allowed to want things.
They want nothing to have changed from-- from two months ago, when Crowley was awake and grouchy but still there and Scarlett still might change her mind and talk to them again and they didn't know they'd killed Steve or know the face of their mother.
They want to turn around and bury their face in Misty's lap and let her pet their hair until they can breathe again.
The Asset is not allowed to want things.
Everything goes back and forth in their head, and not even the Asset and Sarge and chiming in, it's just all Soldat, conflicted and face pressed against the stupid metal arm on their knees and shuddering while the plates somehow manage not to cut pieces off their cheek and nose despite half of them vibrating with the need to shift. Even crying themselves out doesn't stop the conflict, it just tamps it down.
They have their boots on the bed. That's what finally makes them move, and that to uncurl just enough to pick at the laces of said boots, still stuffed and red-eyed and unable to regulate their breathing. They got dirt and snow-- water, now-- Misty's nice quilt.
no subject
They want it anyway.
But the Asset is not allowed to want things.
They want Crowley and Aziraphale back.
The Asset is not allowed to want things.
They want nothing to have changed from-- from two months ago, when Crowley was awake and grouchy but still there and Scarlett still might change her mind and talk to them again and they didn't know they'd killed Steve or know the face of their mother.
They want to turn around and bury their face in Misty's lap and let her pet their hair until they can breathe again.
The Asset is not allowed to want things.
Everything goes back and forth in their head, and not even the Asset and Sarge and chiming in, it's just all Soldat, conflicted and face pressed against the stupid metal arm on their knees and shuddering while the plates somehow manage not to cut pieces off their cheek and nose despite half of them vibrating with the need to shift. Even crying themselves out doesn't stop the conflict, it just tamps it down.
They have their boots on the bed. That's what finally makes them move, and that to uncurl just enough to pick at the laces of said boots, still stuffed and red-eyed and unable to regulate their breathing. They got dirt and snow-- water, now-- Misty's nice quilt.