[ peter's not sure if he wants to know. he's relived so many of his worst memories so many times and though he knows he has good ones there, too — happy ones, ones with him and may and ben; him and gwen and harry and mj, the four of them; him with each of them, separately; the bugle—
though he knows his life is full of more joy than he allows himself to realise at times, he's not sure if he wants to know if that's what jason saw.
he thinks maybe it'd be better if he hadn't. would it be like a kick in the face? peter, who's lost so many people important to him, compared to jason, a guy that had — died and not had the one person he'd hoped would avenge him do that.
making a joke feels like it'd be making a joke about norman. making a joke about bridges and gwen, but it's not his pain to joke about.
he wonders, too, how the teenager here — bruce wayne — can grow into that man. he knows they all do what they do for different reasons, hell, that was why frank was—
well, frank, right? and peter knows that for as much as he might try and say "I'm trying to be a better person" or "I made a mistake once and I'm trying to do better", he knows it's an obsession.
with great power must also come great responsibility, ben had said, and he'd taken him so very literally. he has that rule and then he has the others: the ones that keep him on the straight and narrow. good people, he thinks, don't need rules. he could see that, in batman. the words — "it'd be too damned easy", he'd said, and though peter had only experienced the memory the once, that had stuck out and stuck with him. peter understands the sentiment, even if he can't imagine those words coming from his mouth.
it's honest in a way that peter rarely is. honest in a way that jason didn't — doesn't — deserve.
he's had nightmares like jason's memory. nightmares with gwen and norman, with gwen asking him again and again why he didn't save her. the goblin, taunting him again and again for not saving her. taunting him for not killing the goblin in return.
why?
gwen deserved that much, didn't she?
(I'm sorry, he always says in those dreams.)
but harry didn't deserve that much.
did he?
norman was a psycho, he'd never be a better person. ] —Uh, [ peter gestures at himself. ] Spandex me or me me?
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[ peter's not sure if he wants to know. he's relived so many of his worst memories so many times and though he knows he has good ones there, too — happy ones, ones with him and may and ben; him and gwen and harry and mj, the four of them; him with each of them, separately; the bugle—
though he knows his life is full of more joy than he allows himself to realise at times, he's not sure if he wants to know if that's what jason saw.
he thinks maybe it'd be better if he hadn't. would it be like a kick in the face? peter, who's lost so many people important to him, compared to jason, a guy that had — died and not had the one person he'd hoped would avenge him do that.
making a joke feels like it'd be making a joke about norman. making a joke about bridges and gwen, but it's not his pain to joke about.
he wonders, too, how the teenager here — bruce wayne — can grow into that man. he knows they all do what they do for different reasons, hell, that was why frank was—
well, frank, right? and peter knows that for as much as he might try and say "I'm trying to be a better person" or "I made a mistake once and I'm trying to do better", he knows it's an obsession.
with great power must also come great responsibility, ben had said, and he'd taken him so very literally. he has that rule and then he has the others: the ones that keep him on the straight and narrow. good people, he thinks, don't need rules. he could see that, in batman. the words — "it'd be too damned easy", he'd said, and though peter had only experienced the memory the once, that had stuck out and stuck with him. peter understands the sentiment, even if he can't imagine those words coming from his mouth.
it's honest in a way that peter rarely is. honest in a way that jason didn't — doesn't — deserve.
he's had nightmares like jason's memory. nightmares with gwen and norman, with gwen asking him again and again why he didn't save her. the goblin, taunting him again and again for not saving her. taunting him for not killing the goblin in return.
why?
gwen deserved that much, didn't she?
(I'm sorry, he always says in those dreams.)
but harry didn't deserve that much.
did he?
norman was a psycho, he'd never be a better person. ] —Uh, [ peter gestures at himself. ] Spandex me or me me?