[ You are dead, and you are standing on the shore watching as a boat made of reeds slowly approaches. The boat's pilot is a tall, inhumanly thin creature with a bird-like head atop a long neck. You know him. He holds out a hand; you wade through the shallows, take it, and are pulled aboard. ]
I know you.
"You do indeed. You worked for me. I'm afraid we had to inter Lila Goodchild without you."
[ You recognize that fussy, precise voice. You look at the creature and, for just a moment, you see a man in a suit with gold-rimmed glasses. ]
Mister Ibis?
"Good to see you, Shadow."
[ As you sail across the water, Mister Ibis — Thoth — begins to lecture you, as is his way. He tells you that he is a psychopomp, and one of his roles is to escort the living to the world of the dead. You are confused, as you thought this was the world of the dead. He tells you that this is more of a "preliminary." Life and death are not so different, he says. They are not mutually exclusive categories. They are like two sides of the same coin.
You look away from him, briefly. In the water, you see the faces of children. They have been down there for a long time, and they stare up at you accusingly. You turn back to the long-beaked god. ]
So I'm dead. [ You are not bothered by this. ] Or I'm going to be dead.
"We are on our way to the Hall of the Dead. I requested that I be the one to come for you."
Why?
"I'm a psychopomp. I like you. You were a hard worker. Why not?"
Because… [ You fumble for words. ] Because I never believed in you. Because I don't know much about Egyptian mythology. Because I didn't expect this. What happened to Saint Peter and the Pearly Gates?
[ Thoth shakes his head. ]
"It doesn't matter that you didn't believe in us. We believed in you."
[ The boat touches the shore. Thoth hands you a lantern shaped like a crescent moon to hold as he secures the boat. Then he takes the light back and leads the way. He asks you if you're scared; you tell him that you are not, and you mean it.
Thoth leads you before a massive dog-headed creature the size of a grain silo. You stare up at it, and you feel the hair on the back of your neck prickle as it growls. ]
"Shadow. Now is the time for judgment."
[ You know this god. Mister Jacquel. Anubis.
Anubis does not answer your greeting. He picks you up in his massive hands, and he gazes down at you. His eyes are dispassionate, but they flay you open. They pull forth all your faults, failings, and weaknesses. They drag out every lie you've told; every object you've stolen; every injury you're caused; every bit of pain brought on by all the things you have and have not done. You feel it all, and the guilt and shame consume you. ]
Please. [ You are begging. You are broken. ] Please stop.
[ The god does not stop. He weighs and measures all your sins, and you begin to sob. You are as helpless and powerless as a child. You are nothing but your regrets.
Then, just as suddenly as it began, it stops. You pant for breath in the palm of Anubis' hands. He sets you down almost tenderly, and he asks who has your heart. ]
"I do."
[ The voice is a purr. You turn to see Bast. Her eyes are the color of honey, her pupils are vertical slits, and she holds your heart in her hand. At the other god's request, she hands it over to Thoth. ]
So is this where we find out what I get? [ You direct your question to Bast. ] Heaven? Hell? Purgatory?
"If the feather balances, you get to choose your own destination."
And if not?
[ She shrugs. ]
"Then we feed your heart and your soul to Ammet, the Eater of Souls…"
Maybe… [ You start to speak, then have to start over: ] Maybe I can get some kind of happy ending.
"Not only are there no happy endings. There aren't even any endings."
[ She falls silent then, and you turn to watch as Anubis places a feather upon one side of a pair of golden scales. On the other side, Thoth places your heart. Something moves in the shadows beneath the scales, but after a moment spent swinging worryingly, the scales balance, and the thing skulks away.
Bast sighs. She says it's a pity. She'd hoped you could help; instead, you're just another skull for the pile.
After a long moment of silence, you ask, ]
So now I get to choose where I go next?
"Choose." [ It's Thoth who replies. ] "Or we can choose for you."
No. It's okay. It's my choice.
[ Anubis is impatient. He roars out, ]
"Well?"
[ You don't hesitate. You know exactly where you want to go. ]
I want to rest now. That's what I want. I want nothing. No heaven, no hell, no anything. Just let it end.
[ Thoth stares at you and asks, ]
"You're certain?"
Yes.
[ You've never been more certain of anything in your life.
Anubis opens the last door for you. Behind it, there is nothing. You walk into it, and you are filled with joy.
When the vision ends, you may be alone. Or there may be someone watching… ]
death #2: the world between
I know you.
"You do indeed. You worked for me. I'm afraid we had to inter Lila Goodchild without you."
[ You recognize that fussy, precise voice. You look at the creature and, for just a moment, you see a man in a suit with gold-rimmed glasses. ]
Mister Ibis?
"Good to see you, Shadow."
[ As you sail across the water, Mister Ibis — Thoth — begins to lecture you, as is his way. He tells you that he is a psychopomp, and one of his roles is to escort the living to the world of the dead. You are confused, as you thought this was the world of the dead. He tells you that this is more of a "preliminary." Life and death are not so different, he says. They are not mutually exclusive categories. They are like two sides of the same coin.
You look away from him, briefly. In the water, you see the faces of children. They have been down there for a long time, and they stare up at you accusingly. You turn back to the long-beaked god. ]
So I'm dead. [ You are not bothered by this. ] Or I'm going to be dead.
"We are on our way to the Hall of the Dead. I requested that I be the one to come for you."
Why?
"I'm a psychopomp. I like you. You were a hard worker. Why not?"
Because… [ You fumble for words. ] Because I never believed in you. Because I don't know much about Egyptian mythology. Because I didn't expect this. What happened to Saint Peter and the Pearly Gates?
[ Thoth shakes his head. ]
"It doesn't matter that you didn't believe in us. We believed in you."
[ The boat touches the shore. Thoth hands you a lantern shaped like a crescent moon to hold as he secures the boat. Then he takes the light back and leads the way. He asks you if you're scared; you tell him that you are not, and you mean it.
Thoth leads you before a massive dog-headed creature the size of a grain silo. You stare up at it, and you feel the hair on the back of your neck prickle as it growls. ]
"Shadow. Now is the time for judgment."
[ You know this god. Mister Jacquel. Anubis.
Anubis does not answer your greeting. He picks you up in his massive hands, and he gazes down at you. His eyes are dispassionate, but they flay you open. They pull forth all your faults, failings, and weaknesses. They drag out every lie you've told; every object you've stolen; every injury you're caused; every bit of pain brought on by all the things you have and have not done. You feel it all, and the guilt and shame consume you. ]
Please. [ You are begging. You are broken. ] Please stop.
[ The god does not stop. He weighs and measures all your sins, and you begin to sob. You are as helpless and powerless as a child. You are nothing but your regrets.
Then, just as suddenly as it began, it stops. You pant for breath in the palm of Anubis' hands. He sets you down almost tenderly, and he asks who has your heart. ]
"I do."
[ The voice is a purr. You turn to see Bast. Her eyes are the color of honey, her pupils are vertical slits, and she holds your heart in her hand. At the other god's request, she hands it over to Thoth. ]
So is this where we find out what I get? [ You direct your question to Bast. ] Heaven? Hell? Purgatory?
"If the feather balances, you get to choose your own destination."
And if not?
[ She shrugs. ]
"Then we feed your heart and your soul to Ammet, the Eater of Souls…"
Maybe… [ You start to speak, then have to start over: ] Maybe I can get some kind of happy ending.
"Not only are there no happy endings. There aren't even any endings."
[ She falls silent then, and you turn to watch as Anubis places a feather upon one side of a pair of golden scales. On the other side, Thoth places your heart. Something moves in the shadows beneath the scales, but after a moment spent swinging worryingly, the scales balance, and the thing skulks away.
Bast sighs. She says it's a pity. She'd hoped you could help; instead, you're just another skull for the pile.
After a long moment of silence, you ask, ]
So now I get to choose where I go next?
"Choose." [ It's Thoth who replies. ] "Or we can choose for you."
No. It's okay. It's my choice.
[ Anubis is impatient. He roars out, ]
"Well?"
[ You don't hesitate. You know exactly where you want to go. ]
I want to rest now. That's what I want. I want nothing. No heaven, no hell, no anything. Just let it end.
[ Thoth stares at you and asks, ]
"You're certain?"
Yes.
[ You've never been more certain of anything in your life.
Anubis opens the last door for you. Behind it, there is nothing. You walk into it, and you are filled with joy.
When the vision ends, you may be alone. Or there may be someone watching… ]