[ i'm going to the radio tower, daylight had explained to kol with earnest confidence as he bounded towards it, so excited to help. i'll try and talk to it and see what i can find!

but that was a few minutes ago. now he wishes he hadn't touched the tower. now he wishes he hadn't gone out and looked over to the lake out of idle habits. now he wishes he hadn't 'survived' the blast that tore his spark apart.

it feels like his spark is getting torn apart again as he presses his servos against the tower, reaching out to find out what he can. there's something so... sad to find a message never replied to but forever searching, forever reaching out and out and out without any hope of getting an answer. reminds him too much of the letters he would send to his parents whenever he was scared or unsure, wanting a message that would never come.

he tries to memorise the recording, wanting to remember every single detail he can get to share with the others if when they wake up.

but when he finally looks up, accidentally catching sight of that thing lumbering towards the town, he feels something seize his spark and he wishes it was being torn apart right now. it would be better than the despair and the helplessness he feels in that moment, knowing there's nothingnothingnothingwhycan'tyoudoanythingusefuldaydaydayyoudon'tdeservethatyouknow? that he nor kol nor sarissa can do to help officer hobaugh or dr. solis or all the others who are huddled up somewhere, scared and already dead. ]

Sarissa, come on, that isn't funny. [ he doesn't even sound scandalised or annoyed when he speaks to sarissa. if anything... he's distracted, clearly so as he presses a trembling servo over his temple, wishing he could do something more helpful right now. ] So what do we do now? What do we do? What do we do now? What do we do? What do we no—

[ then he breaks even.

daylight doesn’t get to finish what he's saying. he stops when the sense of dread and despair slams into him at full force now, destroying the too thin firewalls his processors tried to throw up in the wake of this taking over him.

but why? why fight back? why struggle against the inevitable? it'll be selfish of him to fight back. it'll be selfish of him to try and buck against the natural order of things, his existence already a mistake in the eyes of everything. others had died before him — stronger people. smarter people. just— just better people than he could ever hope to be. he's not his dad. he's not his mom. he's not even from this world.

and if he could help by not resisting, isn't that a good thing?

day, without looking back, begins to walk towards the railing and make a grab for his noose. he begins to hum a song under his breath, the eerie song becoming louder and louder as he wraps the noose around him. it isn't long before the lyrics become audible for sarissa and kol to hear: ]

Better to weave the rope,
Then hold onto false hope.

Better by your hand,
Before the darkness can.

By bullet, poison, and no air,
Those are the kinder ways-

[ daylight doesn’t get to finish what he's singing. he stops when pulls the noose taut against his neck, strong enough to break his support cables in the process, and prepares to jump over the railing. he's certain that this is the best thing for him to do, in the wake of what they know and see and what he is. better to do this than continue being selfish. ]